I bet he comes in French.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
