this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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