It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
