if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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