he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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