Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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