I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
