Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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