people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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