and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
