I just threw up on my dentist
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
