I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
