sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize