I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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