why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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