Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
