omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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