He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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