Soap is not a condiment
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize