Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
