Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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