She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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