Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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