It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
