Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
