we have pet lesbian snakes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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