She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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