4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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