It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
