New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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