I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
