Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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