When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
