I want to make a zoo with you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
