I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
