I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
