sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
