Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
