wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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