peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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