he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
and you fell through a lawn chair
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