I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
