so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are the jesus of drinking
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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