i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
try to milk me bitch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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