So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
