Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

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(248): View more from Michigan

I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.

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(516): View more from New York

i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off

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(714): View more from California

Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww

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(416): View more from Toronto

"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him

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(310): View more from California

If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare

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