How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
