"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize