onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
