i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
