it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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