I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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