She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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