Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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