I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
