Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
