I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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