I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
