I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
