I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
