new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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