Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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