I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
