see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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