Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
