there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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