come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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