she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize