did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
