I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize