Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
