If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
