I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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