I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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