you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
