Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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