I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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