I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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