he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
