whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize