i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
