is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
