he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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