You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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