hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
