3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
