He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
