his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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