I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I did not marry a roomba.
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