I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently you make a good broom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
