There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish I could punch you in the face.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
