I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
