Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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