Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
