is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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