How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize