When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
