Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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