If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
cat food counts as protein by the way
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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