Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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