i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
