I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize