My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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