also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
