I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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