arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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